By Janie Lacy
“I’m so sick of that same old love, feels like I’ve blown apart — I’m so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart,” are the words from the popular Selena Gomez song titled, “Same Old Love.”
Have you ever considered your pattern in love relationships? Have your relationships left you feeling empty, angry and lonely over and over again? The painful reality is that many people find it difficult to stop to observe what they accept, tolerate and come into agreement with in their love relationships.If you discovered that you are sick of that same old love and that you have had enough, then here are three ways to break your pattern of toxic love:
1) Take A Relationship Inventory:
We cannot break toxic love relationship patterns until we first become an observer of them. It is important to stop and assess what relational repetitions you have continuously recreated throughout your history. This can be a very difficult and painful step to take in looking at your own behaviors in your relationships, and to also recognize the emotional template that you may be unconsciously reinventing. The help of a trusted friend or a professional therapist may be very helpful in working this step because they can look at your relational history with an objective viewpoint.
2) Create a supportive network:
When you are trying to make life-changing decisions to break old relational behavior patterns, you cannot do it alone. Friends who understand can serve as a supplementary life-support system as you make painful changes to foster healthier romantic relationships in your future. They can be the person that you can call when you so desperately want to reach out to a romantic partner who you are trying to move on from in y
our life. They can also hold you accountable to prevent you from acting out from your obsessive thoughts as you withdraw from the toxic love relationship.
3) Heal from “Unfinished Business:”
It is extremely important that you look at where your patterns may have originated and to also examine your emotional stuck points (the parts of you that are still immature and have not matured) in order to heal from toxic relationship patterns. If you have experienced repetitive patterns of childhood emotional neglect, you may be looking to fill emptiness and a void that cannot be healed unless you enter into a process of discovering the things that you needed but did not get in your developing years that may have contributed to your dysfunctional love patterns.
These steps are very difficult and can be painful at times to work through. However, it will be worth it when you arrive on the other side! You will need to stay committed to the process even when the work feels too hard if you’re going to make the necessary changes that will break your dysfunctional relational patterns. A broken heart causes a lot of grief and can make daily life challenging. If the love relationship is addictive and toxic, the break-up can be even more devastating physically, mentally and spiritually. You can build a better understanding of your own history and make the necessary life changes to be happy and healthy in your romantic relationships when you commit to breaking your toxic love patterns and when you get sick enough of that same old love.
Janie Lacy is a nationally known psychotherapist and Licensed Mental Health Counselor, National Certified Counselor, and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. She is also a respected television commentator and founder of Life Counseling Solutions in Maitland, Florida. For 13 years, she has been enriching lives through her psychotherapy work and brings credibility and expert knowledge to audiences via on-air appearances.